


Neighbour Wars

by Rokusanu



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, Humor, M/M, Prank Wars, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-14
Updated: 2012-12-14
Packaged: 2017-11-21 03:29:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/592936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rokusanu/pseuds/Rokusanu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Meet Allen Walker: senior in high school and recently living on his own. Meet Yuu Kanda: stuck-up bastard and Allen’s neighbour. Both enjoying it a little too much to ruin each other’s life by any given opportunity. Quite literally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Neighbour Wars

**Author's Note:**

> I've always liked reading AU's with prank wars involved. So I thought, why not? There's gonna be a loadshit of humor in this (or at least attempted humor), and strong language (Kanda. Well, mostly Kanda). Prolly some sex scenes, too.

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Neighbour Wars**

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

_.+.The first step in becoming enemies is by accidentally wrecking your target's property.+._

**DGMDGMDGMDGMDGM**

**Chapter 1: Maestro, Start the Music of Doom**

_Saturday_

"Well, this is it—our new home!"

Allen Walker let go of his single large suitcase in which his clothes and other important items were held. The moving van that was currently transporting the rest of his furniture would arrive on Monday morning, so he had only packed the necessities with him.

Which, of course, was mostly food.

He looked proudly at the caramel-coloured house in front of him. It had a nice little perch and the grass was a perfect shade of green. The whole layout was a wonderful sight, giving him little butterflies fluttering with joy in his belly. The neighbourhood also looked relatively peaceful, but this was probably caused by the lack of many houses, for there was only one next to his, three across the street, and a few more a bit further down the street.

All in all, the young man was glad he didn't have to live in a worn-down apartment in one of the worst parts of some human forsaken town. To say this was all thanks to his guardian, who had forced the boy to live in Cross's house for reasons unknown to Allen. Because normally, that man didn't give a damn about his adoptive son's welfare and yet was the one who threatened Allen to dub him as Master or he'd beat the living daylights out of him. That stupid Cross, who liked to sleep around mussing women's bed sheets and drink until his debts sunk way down to the depths of the underworld, had a goddamn ego as big as the universe.

Thus leading to the Devil's contract.

Allen would only have to do two different jobs instead of three or four (he still had to pay off some of his master's debts) and buy Cross a bottle of the finest wine once in a while. In exchange, his master would pay Allen's scholarship.

The young man blatantly ignored the fact that this suspicious deal could possibly be a trap, as his master had never agreed to something so quickly before. Not to mention that it sounded too good to be true. But dear Allen wasn't going to let his good mood be ruined by mere superstitions. Sure, his master was cruel, but not _that_ cruel.

Or so he'd like to believe.

"He's finally growing up, that old womanizing bastard. Right, Tim?" A golden round thing appeared out of Allen's shirt and beat its wings swiftly, nibbling on a strand of Allen's hair. Cross had told the boy to take the advanced mini-robot with him, probably as surveillance, but Allen didn't give a damn. Timcanpy was better company than his guardian anyway.

Sighing happily, he looked at his new home for a bit longer. Things were finally looking up; his life was now for the better. Everything was nearly perfect, and it would take one hell of a bomb or a rude bastard like Cross to ruin his eagerly anticipated somewhat of a good life.

Now he only hoped his neighbours were a whole lot nicer than Cross Marian.

**DGMDGMDGMDGMDGM**

It was sunny outside.

That much Yuu Kanda could tell just by the sunrays that managed to brightly shine through his blinds piercing straight into his closed eyelids. But he'd endure this, for all he needed to do was to turn around and face the wall where there was no light.

However, it was much more difficult to ignore the loud and extremely energetic voice abnormal for an early morning, coming from outside. Groaning in frustration, he muffled the sounds by pulling the sheets over his head and covering his ears with his pillow, but to no avail.

The laughing, that horrid cackling like some retarded donkey – and God knew he hated that sound – just… wouldn't… _stop_.

"Damn it!" he yelled out and quickly got himself up. The angry man marched towards the window with an annoyed scowl on his face and roughly pushed the blinds aside. Kanda cursed loudly when the early sun almost fried his eyeballs and he tried to shield his vision with one hand while opening the window with the other.

After he finally got the damn thing open, Kanda poked his head outside – hair in a tangled mess – and it didn't take much of looking around to see the source of his unwelcome wake-up call.

"Oi, moron!" he shouted out.

The white-haired 'moron' looked up from where he stood on the perch which was coincidentally next to Kanda's house and furrowed, his smile faltering a bit.

"Are you talking to me?" the boy asked, pointing a finger at himself. Kanda rolled his eyes, clicking his tongue in disdain. Seriously, was this kid blind? There was no one else outside besides him and his weird floating golden ball.

"No, _dipshit_. It's my fucking daily ritual to yell insults at nobody in the morning," he said sarcastically. Although judging by the kid's expression, he really believed what Kanda had said.

Could you honestly blame him?

But Kanda _did_ , and in anger, tightly gripped his fists on the window frame. He wasn't a morning person. And he wasn't quite known for his patience—actually more for the lack thereof. He had better things to do than deal with an idiot who'd woken him up with his annoying cachinnation.

"Listen, twerp—" he started to say.

"Is it really necessary to add an insult at the end of every sentence you say? It's not what I could exactly call polite or proper language," the boy interjected, cocking a slender white eyebrow and forcing a smile.

"Or are you mentally incapable to be nice?" he continued. "Don't worry; I am pretty sure something like anger management classes exists to help people like you. I'm just not sure if you'll be accepted."

Kanda's eye ticked in a way others would classify as disturbing, and the young man suddenly had the urge to grab Mugen – his magnificent Japanese katana – and throw it at the kid's bleached head.

"You know what? Just, _shut up_. Your girly giggles woke me up and I'm this close to reconfiguring that effeminate face of yours." He smirked as he saw the offended look on the kid's face.

"Excuse me? You're the one with the womanly hair here, jerk!" The boy swore he could see a vein pop on Kanda's forehead.

"Says the one who still hasn't hit puberty. Go drink some milk, beansprout. You definitely need calcium to grow up." Before the boy could retort, Kanda had closed the window, walking angrily towards the bathroom to take a shower in attempt to cool off.

_'Kid reminds me way too much of that stupid rabbit—'_

"Shit!" Kanda suddenly exclaimed and groaned when he remembered he had work today. And since Lavi – the stupid rabbit who had proclaimed himself as Kanda's best friend forever, _yeah_! – also worked there, Kanda wasn't sure he'd be able to hold himself back from doing something drastic. Something like a bloody murder spree.

He decided he would shower later during the day as accidents were meant to happen with his co-worker and quickly dressed himself in clothes he deemed clean enough. Grabbing his cellphone and keys, Kanda descended the stairs and slammed the door behind him, another slammed door echoing after.

Kanda glanced sideways and cursed out loud. Apparently, the kid was moving into the house next to him, which had been declared 'For Rent' for a few months. Meaning, the white-haired boy was going to be his new neighbour.

His new neighbour he'd only met a few minutes ago and already hated. Goddamn.

_'Fuck this,'_ he thought. _'I should just murder the stupid rabbit and pretend it's the beansprout.'_

**DGMDGMDGMDGMDGM**

"Well, so much for 'nice neighbours'. Never thought I would meet another bastard aside from Cross," the white-haired teen huffed, still a bit irritated about his first encounter with his neighbour.

To think that Allen had actually slipped up and insulted that other man back. It was like his gentleman-esque manners evaporated in thin air when he was around the longhaired male.

Not cool. He already had enough stress with his master alone; he didn't need another asshole to give him ulcers. The last thing Allen wanted was a perforated stomach, much less a nincompoop as neighbour, but what could he possibly do about it?!

"Ugh. That impolite moron almost ruined my bright mood. But I don't think I'd be able to survive here if we don't get on good terms. I'm sure he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed," he convinced himself. After leaving his luggage in the hallway, he wandered to the kitchen.

Allen nodded in approval, seeing that the movers from yesterday had done their job and put the boxes with kitchen furniture on the ground. He went to the living room to see more boxes. His couch was already there and he let himself fall on its soft material.

"This is heaven, it's definitely better than living with an alcoholic money-addict." Allen declared to himself. His robotic pet positioned itself on Allen's head and the young man patted it lovingly. Even though his master was a slacker, Cross Marian was also a rather famous scientist and was specialized in technology, thus the golden robot perching in his hair.

"But he disappears whenever he feels like it," Allen added as an afterthought, scrunching his nose when he remembered all the times his master had ditched him in bad places with the debt-collectors hot on his heels.

He felt sick just thinking about it again.

"Anyways!" Allen suddenly said, "What do you say about celebrating our home with a barbecue, Tim?" He took the golden golem off his head and smiled at it as Timcanpy bared its sharp teeth, rubbing a tiny oval-like hand over its belly. Allen chuckled and got up, scratching the back of his head as he started to ponder.

"Maybe I'll invite our neighbour. I do want to believe that he is in fact a very friendly person who can laugh and all that jazz. It's not like his bad temper is set on default."

A cold shiver ran up his spine, like he'd just announced a second Apocalypse.

"At least I _hope_ it's not," he mumbled, and went back to the kitchen to prepare all the necessary material and ingredients for his super-sized barbecue.

**DGMDGMDGMDGMDGM**

When Kanda came back from his part-time job around one o'clock in the afternoon, the first thing he wanted to have was a relaxing shower. He felt filthy with all the stains on his clothes for Lavi, like Kanda predicted, had somehow managed to dirty them.

But first, a good cup of green tea like he always drank when he came back home. Just like his meditating, tea always brought peace to his mind. And with all the commotion with Lavi and his white-haired neighbour earlier this morning, he sure as hell needed it _right now_.

Kanda went straight to the kitchen and poured a cup of water in a teapot, grabbed a mug with an instant green tea bag – as he didn't really want to prepare it the traditional way – along with a small spoon and placed the mug on the kitchen counter. He impatiently tapped his fingers against its surface, glaring daggers at the electric water device, wishing that it would heat up faster.

As if on cue, the little light went off and he poured the hot water into his mug. He hummed and sat down, lifting the steaming beverage to his lips. Just when Kanda was about to sip, a loud explosion vibrated through his house, surprising the Japanese man as some of the hot liquid spilled onto his hand and arm.

"God-fucking-damn!" he cursed loudly, hissing as the very hot tea made contact with his skin. He went to grab for napkins—until he heard the somewhat familiar British voice again, coming from the backyard this time. His eyes turned to slits and he gritted his teeth painfully.

"I'm going to strangle that damned kid…"

Kanda stormed out of the backdoor into his backyard, only to be met with a heavy cloak of grey dust. Coughing and waving away the dust, Kanda walked to the small fence separating the yards and spotted his neighbour wearing an apron and holding a toasting fork in one hand.

Had he been anyone else, Kanda would've popped a lung just by the dreadful sight of the white-haired boy (or grey-haired now, thanks to the filth of the smoke). But since he wasn't anyone else, he just stared at the Brit with an unexpressive face for a whole minute.

It was only after the one long minute that the Japanese male seriously considered performing seppuku, as he might as well just die right there on the spot. Instead, a strange gurgling sound escaped his slightly gaping mouth.

"Beansprout… what the hell?"

A small scowl appeared on the Brit's charcoal-painted face and he replied somewhat irritated, "The name's Allen, you jerk. Allen Walker."

Kanda rolled his eyes at this, because frankly he could care less what the kid's name was—the twit annoyed him and he happened to be vertically challenged, so Kanda thought (believed) he had all the rights to call the guy whatever he wanted to name him.

"Do I pass as a person who gives a fucking shit about that, _midget_?" Kanda asked. Allen tried to reply to this, but the older male interrupted. "No," the man continued, "And I never will. But what I do want to know is how the fuck did you manage to wreck your garden in less than half a day since you moved?"

Allen's nose wrinkled at the f-words the bad-mannered male apparently liked to use profusely—which had almost blocked out what the male had asked him. Chuckling nervously, Allen brought a hand behind his head and scratched his neck. How was he going to explain to his neighbour he had wanted to make a barbecue but used the wrong liquid to pour on the charcoal? Never mind the fact that when Allen had taken a matchstick to ignite said briquettes it was like Hell's fire had been summoned and the only way to put the flames out was with the emergency extinguisher.

And other…stuff he found lying around.

Well, it seemed like he wouldn't have to explain anything at all—Kanda had clearly figured out that much, concluding from the look he was giving Allen.

The smoke finally dissipated, revealing to Kanda the _real_ damage the beansprout's so-called barbecue had caused. And he wasn't looking at Allen's 'renewed' garden, but _his_.

Or, what was left of his Japanese-styled backyard. It looked like a horde of protesting people for whatever-crap-they-were-protesting-against had bombarded through it, all the rocks and rivers of pebbles that he had personally selected were scattered all over yard, obstructing his carefully placed pattern. Everything was covered in a disgusting greyish ash.

A floating object in his small pond caught Kanda's attention and he carefully took a few steps forth, brows already starting to knit together. Stooping, he grabbed the bottle from the polluted water and turned it around to read the large words written in bold on the front.

"You used pure alcohol to ignite your barbecue?" he asked incredulously.

"Uhm. Yes?"

"The whole fucking bottle?"

"I…think so?" Allen was reluctant to answer the question for Kanda's murderous vibes were coming at the Brit wave after wave. He gulped, and started to mentally pray when Kanda whipped around, face contorted in anger.

Actually, Kanda wasn't angry—more like on the verge of destroying everything within a ten-mile radius.

This included the stupid beansprout whose grey eyes had widened the size of saucers and Kanda could already distinct a few words like 'God' and 'Save me' from his own words. A voice in his own mind continuously repeated a mantra: 'Kill him.'

It would seem God took pity on poor little Allen, which was pretty surprising, as most of the time – his entire life – the Almighty hated his guts, which was also why Allen sometimes considered giving up on being Catholic and submitting himself to another religion

Taoist didn't sound all too bad. Or maybe he could support a religion that worshipped his favourite food, mitarashi dango.

Allen was rudely shaken out of his wandering thoughts and he blinked, rather startled as Kanda's midnight eyes were suddenly very close—too close, so close up that he could smell the Japanese male's cologne and see the lighter shades of blue around the pupils.

Simply put: Allen felt truly uncomfortable and he couldn't help but whimper. Kanda cocked an eyebrow at this, snorted, and let go of the Brit.

"You!" Kanda then spat, pointing a finger at the other young man, "You destroyed my backyard, the only place where I can—could meditate in fucking peace!"

He turned around and stomped away, kicking at an unfortunate little table that stood in his way before he entered his house, but not before he flipped the bird at Allen.

Allen was about to sigh in relief but held his breath when the Japanese man's face popped out of what Allen assumed to be the kitchen window, and snarled ferociously.

"Be fucking grateful to your God who you were praying to that my sword is in my room or you'd be sporting some new scars!" And with a loud slam for the second time that day, the short-tempered male was gone.

Timcanpy, who had been hiding behind a tree this whole time, reappeared next to Allen. Aforementioned young man sighed heavily and lightly slouched his shoulders while glancing up at his robotic golem.

"…He's just having a bad day, Tim. You'll see. He'll be standing at our door tomorrow morning to apologize for his rudeness, and I will apologize for the barbecue accident. I bet he's already blaming himself for what he said right now."

Allen grinned, a small twinkle in his silver eyes, "Besides, I don't think he can handle the guilt. The hair totally proves he's in fact, a very sentimental guy."

While Allen was laughing sinisterly, Kanda was entertaining himself with cutting some beansprouts with a bit too much animosity, pretending it was Allen's head he was slowly decapitating all the whilst smirking like a madman.

Allen had no idea what was awaiting him tomorrow. But later on he would regret moving next to the Asian man. For sure.

**To be continued…**


End file.
